Tuesday, May 4, 2010

To Know, Or Not To Know

I've never really been one to follow trends, but this time around I am sorely tempted.  It seems that many people these days have decided that it is very exciting to step back in time and not rely on modern technology to inform them of the gender of their baby.  (This old-fashioned route doesn't go much further as most still rely on an epidural!).  The more I have pondered this idea, I too have been caught up in the bandwagon and feel that it really would be a neat experience to not know until the moment the precious package is delivered and they hand the angel to me with the words, "It's a girl!" or "It's a boy!"  I imagine that with all the hormones from the labor process, that moment would be much more magical than simply watching the alien-like form floating on a screen.

Unfortunately, my husband can't seem to catch the vision.  Last night we had a good discussion about it and I think I'm finally beginning to understand where he's coming from.  To him, my pregnancy isn't real.  He sees my growing belly, but it is not a part of him like it is a part of me.  For him, knowing the gender is the beginning of a connection with the new life.  Until then, the baby is just an "it."  So the sooner we know if it's a boy or a girl, the sooner "it" becomes his little son or daughter.  Makes sense.

So the dilemma remains unresolved.  I want him to connect with the baby.  I also want to have my magical moment at delivery.  We have three weeks to decide.  And I have to wonder, will it really be as special as I imagine it to be?  Or would I be sacrificing my husbands desire for foolish imaginations?

Those are my questions.

5 comments:

Mary Karlee said...

Well you basically know my preference, but here is my take having done it both ways. Ryan initially was skeptical about waiting to find out, but he really came around to the idea. At 8 months I was ready to cave when we went in for the final ultrasound (because I was nervous about being "ready"). He made me stick to my guns and we did not find out. On D-day the moment they shouted it's a girl and I saw Jenna was totally magical. It really was amazing. Besides all that, it was just fun having a surprise for the full pregnancy. I remember driving to the hospital at 6am and being so excited. We looked at each other and said, "we don't even know if it's a boy or a girl!" It was just fun.

Having said all that, I do think a nice compromise would be to have the tech write down the sex of the baby and seal it up in an envelope. Then find an occasion coming up and open it together with some real fanfare. To me the biggest let down about finding out Marielle was a girl was having to stifle my true reaction because we were in the Dr's office with someone we barely knew.
I think this is the longest comment I have ever written on a blog. But since it's so long a few questions for you: are you seeing Dr Castillo? thoughts on epidural this time around?

Dad of the Year said...

just to clarify, the "they" who shouted "it's a girl" in the above comment was really just me. maybe MK remembers a chorus of angels backing me up...

my perspective on this trend is that when ultrasound technology developed, most couples were so excited that we "could" that few stopped to think if we "should" (blatant plagiarizing from Jurassic Park). the "should" will be different for every couple, some want to find out and some don't. the same is true for epidural technology.

FYI: i think your poll results will be biased b/c of the extraneous "it's not worth it" on the "no" choice.

Alayne said...

Just have Lee find out and see how long he can keep it a secret ;-)

Charis said...

I did it! And I think the best part of it was how annoyed everyone was at me for not knowing! It was my baby, why did everyone else care!?! now for me, I had not had a boy, so I found myself buying baby boy stuff, just incase. . . and well we had a girl, so I gave all the boy stuff away. Seeing how you have both. . . you probalby won't end up doing that.

It was all craig's idea. but I think that Lee is right. . . Craig was not nearly as connected to Lucy in the womb as he was to Kendell in the womb. . . and honestly I think it got to me more than him (that could just be pregnancy hormones). However, craig has noticed that it has taken him lots longer to bond to Lucy than it did to bond to Kendell once out of the womb. I don't know if that has anything to do with not knowing what the gender was. . . I had never considered it until reading your post. Craig is getting more and more bonded to Lucy day by day, I am not at all worried about it, and she loves her Papa.

All that being said, it was very very exciting to be driving to the hospital knowing that in the next twenty four hours I would know what this child was, I think the actual finding out the gender was much more exciting that way than if I had found out via ultra sound, but I don't think it made the delivery any more exciting. I was garsh darn excited to cuddle with both Kendell and Lucy, it wouldn't have mattered if Lucy was a Wesley.

I do think that not knowing the gender made me far more anxious for my pregnancy to be over... so I think the last six weeks of pregnancy were for ever hard, simply because i was so anxious to get that baby out and find out the gender, I really really wanted to know. So it made the last six weeks torture. . .

and in the end, You end up with a baby, that you love and adore, regardless if you found out at birth or at 20 weeks. . .

there are my pros and cons, still I don't know if I will do it next time or not.

Sparky said...

you already have clothes/things for either a boy or a girl, so if Lee can overcome the issues of connecting then wait!