Sunday, November 16, 2014

Seeing Myself as I Really Am

I think about myself a lot. Not about my looks, my weight, or my awesomeness, but more about what I think, say, and do. I analyze it all in an attempt to better understand myself and everyone else, and perhaps, in a way, to understand God. I think I exert a lot of energy hiding myself from others in an attempt to be the person I think I should be or that they want me to be. But then I get frustrated that no one really seems to know me! I’m beginning to realize that if I want people to know who I am, I can’t hide myself, including my perceived weaknesses. And that includes hiding from myself.
“…being able to see ourselves clearly is essential to our spiritual growth and well-being. If our weaknesses and shortcomings remain obscured in the shadows, then the redeeming power of the Savior cannot heal them and make them strengths. Ironically, our blindness toward our human weaknesses will also make us blind to the divine potential that our Father yearns to nurture within each of us” (President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Lord, Is It I?” October 2014 General Conference).
So my collection of posts right now are an attempt to face myself as I really am. Putting myself out there is a small step, even though my blog is super popular as evidenced by the floods of comments I always get. :)  My point is, for anyone reading this (and I really mean the one person who might read it…hi mom…), you may think I’m a little crazy and I have some serious issues. Just keep a few things in mind.

First of all, it is my weaknesses that I’m focusing on, so it will be a little one sided. Also, as I’ve gotten to know more people, I’m beginning to see that I am not alone. I have seen the signs in more and more people as I look around. We all have insecurities and anxieties. Yours may be different than mine and you may cope with them differently as well, but they are there. Oddly enough, my new-found recognition of this fact is helping me overcome many of the issues I struggle with, which also includes seeing the motes in others eyes. So last of all, keep in mind (along with me) the words of our Savior when he said:
“Why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?...First cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:3).
My children are an example to me of humbly accepting ourselves as we are and quickly seeking to change. The other night we read in the children’s version of the scriptures in Matthew 6 where Christ is teaching his disciples about prayer. It reads, “He said that some people say the same words over and over when they pray. They do not really think about what they are saying…” When my 6 year old heard that, he stated matter-of -factly, “I do that.” It was his turn to pray after scriptures and I noticed him really thinking about what he was saying and not just repeating the quick repetitions he often does. What a sweet and pure example of being able to recognize our faults, confess them without any shame or embarrassment and just fix them immediately.
“For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.”
I realize there are so many things I could write about, so many social injustices or problems that need debating, but what would my voice on a blog that no one reads be able to accomplish? I believe that before I can change anything in the world, I must first change myself. Seeing myself more clearly and casting my weaknesses and shortcomings from the shadows is my first step to casting the beam from my eye and shedding my blindness to “the divine potential” that my Father yearns to nurture within me.

1 comment:

Scott said...

I've been reading these! So, there's at least two. :) I love reading what you write. I look up to and admire you and because of that, I'm surprised you have any weaknesses at all. I guess that just helps me accept my own weaknesses a little more. One thing about blogging and facebook that is sort of hard for me is that we only put our BEST out there for people to see. I think being REAL is super important. So, thanks for being REAL. :)